The Boondocks: movie script by me
by DJ fresh beatz
Summary: This is a script for a Boondocks movie. NOT REAL! i made this
1. Chapter 1

The Boondocks

Act 1 scene 1

_Black screen goes into overhead view of south Chicago then shows Huey after being born. Then shows him at the age of 2 looking at his new baby brother. Then cuts to them when he's 3 and Riley is 1. Then you hear thunder and lighting and you see a picture of the family outside a window being rained on. Then shows the boys living with their granddad. Then shoes Huey in airplane looking out of window next to him is Riley playing video games and granddad sleeping._

Huey: (narrating) I am not a prophet, but sometimes I have prophetic dreams, like the one where I was at a garden party.

_Shows Huey walking to the podium on the stage at a garden party. He taps the microphone to get the crowd's attention._

Huey: Excuse me. Everyone, I have a brief announcement to make. Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the Devil, I mean come on his first middle and last name all have six letters in them, get it six six six, and the government was lying about 9/11. Thank you for your time and good night.

_The people suddenly erupt into a riot. Huey wakes up, and is immediately smacked by Granddad._

Granddad: Mmm-hmm! You were havin' that dream where you made the white people riot, weren't you?

Huey: But I was telling the truth!

Granddad: How many times have I told you, you better not even dream about tellin' white folk the truth! You understand me? (Walks away) Shoot! Makin' White people riot! You better learn how to lie like me! I'm gonna find me a white man and lie to him right now! Now come on boy the plane is landing

_Shows an overhead view of Woodcrest, then shows Huey, Riley and Granddad getting out of the then cuts to them getting their luggage. _

Riley: Man. Where my luggage. Where is my dang luggage? These airport fools need to get they facts straight. My luggage has my iPod Nano in it.

_Cuts to them getting in a taxi. Riley falls asleep in the taxi and starts dreaming. _

Act 1 scene 2

Riley: (narrating) I am not a gangsta yet, but I do thank and dream like one, like the one where I was at my office being the crime lord of the world

_A Mille by Lil Wayne starts playing. Riley is wearing a flattop hat that has RF on it (standing for Riley Freeman). He is sitting at a desk that has tons of 100 dollar bills on it. Tons of women were standing around him and on the side wall there were huge cases showing different cars. Then a gang comes in asking for money. Riley Looks at a huge man on his left. The man shoots all of them. All the girls kiss riley everywhere on his face. Riley wakes up, and is immediately smacked by Granddad_

Granddad: Mmm-hmm! You were havin' that dream where you was a rich gangbanger and you have tons of cars women and money.

Riley: Man granddad don't be a killjoy

Granddad: Don't talk back to ya elders. You should respect us. Without me you wouldn't be livin fool. Also I have much joy. When I listen to Clarence Carter I get giddy and start dancing and singing

Riley: You were singing and dancing? Oh good. I thought you were having a seizure.

Granddad: boy if you thought I was having a seizure why didn't you help me?

Riley: So I don't gotta have a playa hata on my back every 2 seconds. That Dream was about to get to the FUN song.

Granddad: What is that?

Riley: you don't wanna know

Granddad: Ooh Riley I bet it's inappropriate. So when I get out this car I'm gonna take off this belt and slap you silly. Boy you also on punishment until September 8th.

Riley: Granddad you trippin that's a month and 8 days.

Granddad: How can I trip when I'm sitting down?

Riley: *sigh*

_Starts playing Judo Flip full version by Asheru (The Boondocks theme). The taxi gets to the house. Riley, Huey, and Granddad get out of the car and walk inside. When they get in Huey and Riley sit down there bags and run outside._

Granddad: where you going boys?

Huey: We're going to take a look around the neighborhood Granddad.

Granddad: Oh wait I got a present for Riley.

_Granddad takes off his belt and spanks riley 4 times_

Riley: OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Huey: Heh

Riley: Shut up Ni-

Granddad: Ooh Riley you ain't about to say the n-word, because if you is, the police should just turn me in to the big house know

Riley: for what?

Granddad: Child Abuse and Homicide.

Riley runs off. Huey sighs and follows Riley until they get around the corner.

Act 1 scene 3

Huey: Riley, I want you to know something

Riley: What?

Huey: we're not in Chicago anymore. These people are well-off… Comfortable. These are not the hard streets of the south side. Do you understand me?

Riley: I think I do. I mean I'm the meanest toughest most notorious thing for miles. And I can run amok dis…

_Turns to the street corner to see the street name._

Riley: Aw no! Heck no. I do not l live on naw timid deer lane.

Huey: now you do

Riley: Shut up fool! I gots to do somtin about dis

Huey: And what are you gonna do?

Riley: I'm gonna…I'm gonna be myself

Huey: A stupid 8 year old kid who thinks he's gangsta when he's really just a lame wanna be, cause if you are that then you are doing your job perfectly

Riley: did I not tell you to shut up? Like I was saying I gonna be a swaging cool beasty gangbanger. I could run free around here without fear. Huey I'm da new boss around here.

Huey: nope you don't get what I'm saying

_Huey and Riley walk down the street in awkward silence._

Riley: Huey?

Huey: Yes Riley?

Riley: What's dat smell?

Huey: That smell is clean air, don't worry we'll get used to it.

Riley: I wish. This place stank.

Riley: I'm going back to the house to plan out my…plan.

_Riley Runs off. A girl with a huge afro puffs comes up to Huey as he's walking_.

Girl: Hi! I'm Jazmine. I just moved in across the street. What's your name?

Huey: Huey. It's nice to see that some black people live around here.

Jazmine: Um…gee, um why…why do you think I'm…um… black?

Huey: Well first of all Mariah. Your afro is bigger than mine.

Jazmine: I DO NOT HAVE AN AFRO! My hair is just a little frizzy today.

Huey: Angela Davis' hair was "a little frizzy" YOU have an afro.

Jazmine: I DO NOT! And who is Angela Davis!

Huey: She's a political activist. So Jazmine if you aren't black what are you?

Jazmine: well let's see… My momma is one quarter Irish, one quarter Swedish and one half German. My Granma on my daddy's side is part Cherokee and my grandfather is mostly French. I think because he's originally from Louisiana, and his father was from Haiti, I believe which makes me…

Huey: Which make you as black as Richard Roundtree in "Shaft Africa".

Jazmine: IT DOES NOT! And who is Richard Roundtree?

_A man walks up to Jazmine and Huey. Jazmine runs up to him and hugs him. The man looks down at Huey._

Act 1 scene 4

Man: Hey there, little man! I'm Jazmine's Dad Thomas Dubois but you can call me Tom. I bet we'll be good friends.

Huey: Are you by chance selling Amway products?

Tom: No! I'm a lawyer. Do you know what that means?

Huey: What kind of 10 year old doesn't know what a lawyer is? Do you treat your daughter like this because if you do she not gonna have any friends especially me. And to answer your question it means a good reason for me to be disappointed that you're not selling Amway products. You'll have to excuse my low tolerance of condescension.

Tom: you sure use big words

Huey: Are you surprised by that?

Tom: Kind of

Huey: I read the whole dictionary twice in one hour when I was 8. My brother is 8 and he can't read the first letter category of the dictionary in less then and hour and a half.

Tom: Okay... so little man what's your name?

Huey: Huey Freeman.

Tom: That's a great name. You know there was someone very famous that has the same name as you?

Huey: Are you by chance referring to Huey P. Newton co-founder of the Black Panther Party. I was named after him, and got my hair after him too.

Tom: Actually I was talking about Huey Lewis the famous pop star from the mid-eighties. He was a part of Huey Lewis and the news. You know like Hip to be square and Heart and Soul

Huey: Meh Before my time. Are they white?

Tom: Yes, why?

Huey: That explains it

Tom: Okay then by!

Huey starts walking back.

Tom: Jazmine? Hello Jazmine? Where are you? Oh no Oh no Oh no.

Act 1 scene 5

_Cuts to Jazmine walking back home_

Jazmine: I miss home. I'm never going to make any new friends here.

_A white girl with long blonde hair runs up to Jazmine. _

Girl: Hey! Over there! Hello! Are you new here?

Jazmine: uh…Yeah

Girl: Hi I'm Cindy. Would you like to be my BFF?

Jazmine: um…Yeah sure! I'm Jazmine. (Mumbles) Wow that was almost too easy

Cindy: What was that?

Jazmine: Oh nothing

Cindy: Hey Jazmine you didn't hear it from me but, some blacks have moved into the neighborhood. Have you seen any yet? Real Black people hear on timid deer lane EEP! I'm so excited! I've never seen real live black people before! Have you?

Jazmine: Um…Well…I'm

Cindy: So excited? Me too! OOOHH I hope one of them is a gangsta rapper or a basketball player! That would be sooo cool! Wait no…beasty. My dad always says he's afraid of decliving property valwoos, juhenel delwinksents and wet-ride programs.

_Huey walks up behind them_

Huey: Don't you mean declining property values. Juvenile delinquents and set-aside programs

Cindy: O-my-god, O-my-god, O-my-god, O-my-god, O-my-god, it's it's it's it's… A BLACK PERSON! Are you a rapper do you know Lupe Fiasco

_Cindy runs up and hugs Huey_

Cindy: Oh Jazmine we white folks have met a black person!

Jazmine; Um...Gee…Cindy I've been meaning to tell you this um…I'm black

Cindy: Yeah right. You're just tan like Mariah Carrey and Drake. Wait…THEY'RE HALF BLACK! So that must mean that…YOU'RE HALF BLACK TOO! My first black friend!

Huey: WOW!

Jazmine: That's actually the smartest thing she's said yet.

_Riley runs up._

Riley: Where you been Huey? And why is you hanging out with this white chick.

Jazmine: HEY! I'm white TOO!

Huey: (whispering to Riley) She's suffering from afro denial

Riley: (whispering to Huey) yeah lost a lot of homies dat way.

Riley: Well hope you find a cure Huey. I saw a corner store across the street, I'm seeing if they got spray paint.

Jazmine: find a cure for what?

Cindy: Yeah what is it for Ebola, Polio, Lupus Erythematous, influenza, Creutzfeldt - Jakob disease, Diabetes, HIV/AIDS, Asthma, Cancer, The common cold or other?

Huey: None of them it's Afro-Denial. And little miss "no afro" over here has a bad case of it.

Cindy: *GASP* does she need to go to the hospital? I'll go call 911. Ooh 911 has the same numbers in it has the date 9/11. Ironic cause there was a lot of 911 callings on 9/11.

Huey: *sigh* No. she doesn't need to go to the hospital, she just need to have a visit from the Huey Freeman

Jazmine: I DO NOT HAVE A DISESASE! What is

Afro Denial?

Huey: This is gonna take a while. It's a psycho logical affliction wherein patients exhibit self-delusional behavior. Believing they have straight-flowing, European supermodel-type hair- thereby refusing to accept the coarness thickness and/or nappiness of their actual hair.

Jazmine: Well you know what disease I have? A disease which make you think you and your little book of diseases are STUPID!

Huey: … Sound like Ethno-Ambiguo hostility syndrome.

Act 1 scene 6

_Cuts to Riley walking in to corner store Starts playing "Look At Me now". He gasps. Camera goes into focus of a store called thuggish Heaven owned by Thugnificent and the Lethal Interjection Crew. There's spray paint in the first aisle. He gets ten bottles. He then runs over to the music section. He gets a 50 cent, Lil Wayne, P-diddy, Waka Flaka, and Thugnificent and the Lethal Interjection Crew presents "U vrsis Me" CD's. Riley walks up to clerk._

Riley: Yeah homie. I wanna buy dese heya CD's knawmean.

Clerk: Yeah brotha, you got some good choices.

_A man comes up_

Man: Yo! Macktastic why ain't you in heya recording John remix with us. (Looks at Riley) Well, Well, Well who we got heya, A little Negro. So what you want little main.

Riley: You're, you're Thugnificent who owns this store, and this CD.

Thugnificent: Yeah I am Little Brotha. Why you got those spray-paint cans? Are you on Yo first graffiti job?

Riley: No. Dis ain't my first. I think it's my…4th? No…6th it's my 6th. I got dese because I'm changing my streets name.

Thugnificent: What's da name of it?

Riley: Timid Deer Lane

Thugnificent/Macktastic: HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Riley: Shut-up fools. (Pulls out BB gun) Now, what was you Negros saying.

Macktastic: Ok, main chill, chill. Dat would be $25 Pillsbury's.

Riley: Pillsbury's?

Macktastic: You know how dough can mean money?

Riley: Who doesn't?

Macktastic: Well Pillsbury is dough

Riley: and?

Macktastic: Pillsbury means dough which means…?

Riley: Money….OH.

Riley: Here's my…Pillsbury

Macktastic: Dats was-up

Riley gives Macktastic the money. Riley runs off. Macktastic Checks the money

Macktastic: Yo dis is only 6 frickin Pillsbury's. Shoot.

Thugnificent: I like dat lil Negro.

Act 1 scene 7

Cuts to Riley opening the door to the house. The house is empty. You hear music in the background. Riley goes to try and find the music. The song changes to Clarence Carters "Stroking".

Granddad: WOO-WEE this my song right here. (_Singing_) When I start making love I just don't make love… I be Stroking. That's what I be doing, huh. I be stroking. I'm Stroking to the East. I'm stroking to the west. I'm stroking to the woman that I love best. I be stroking.

Riley: GRANDDAD!

_Riley turns around the corner and you see him doing the stroking dance in only his underpants._

Riley: Aw! Heck naw, heck naw. Granddad put some clothes on. You're looking like a fool with Yo pants on the ground.

Granddad: Look who's talking

Riley: Ok! (_walks up to mirror_) My, My ain't you handsome devil.

Granddad: *sigh*

Riley: Where's Huey?

Granddad: In his room. (_Walks away while singing_) let me ask you this. What time of the day do you like to make love?

Riley runs up stairs to Huey and his room.

Riley: HUEY! HUEY? (_opens door_)

Huey: What?

Riley: Can I use the ladder out back?

Huey: Wait a minute. Are you gonna do something to our house?

Riley: No

Huey: Someone else's house?

Riley: No!

Huey: The School

Riley: They have a school?

Huey: Ok then.

Riley: (_mumbling_) Now where did I put my spray cans?

Huey: What are you doing?

Riley: you promise you WON'T tell Granddad

Huey: Yes

Riley : I'm changing our street name.

Huey: YOU'RE WHAT!

Riley: What? I'm not livin' on naw timid deer lane, son. Why shoudn't I change that crappy name?

Huey: Because it's defacing public property.

Riley: what?

Huey: *sigh* it means vandalism.

Riley: what?

Huey: Graffiti

Riley: I know that.

Huey: You'll get locked up retard.

Riley: Well I got away with it the first 6 times (holds up 5 fingers.)

Huey: You've done it 6 TIMES?

Riley: Yeah. You got a problem wit-it. And what about my right to live on a street with a beasty name of my own choosing, huh?

Huey: Which amendment would that be?

Riley: Um… The second

Huey: No. That's your right to have guns. (_Slaps head_) Why did I just say that?

Riley: I have a right to have guns? So I haven't been breaking the law since I was 5.

Huey: Negro you don't have any guns…Do you?

Riley: Naw player I was just kidding. PHYSCE!

Huey: So if you're changing our street name, what's it gone be called?

Riley: Man, how should I know? All I know is any street that I live on has to say thug and real and dangerous and it has to say you don't want no parts of nothing hear and it has to say ain't nothing sweet around R Escoe's town.

Huey: Who is R Escoe?

Riley: Me playa. Riley Escoe

Huey: Whateva. Hey! I got it. What about George W. Bush Avenue?

Riley: you're nerd jerks don't mean crap to me. I'm gonna keep it real.

_Cuts to street sign that says "Notorious B.I.G Ave."_

Huey: Yeah now I'm a resident of Biggee Smalls AVE.


	2. Part 2

Act 1 scene 8

Huey: now If you'll excuse me I got a Caucasian mom to talk to.

Riley: You were excused when you were born. And what's a Caucasian?

Huey: Caucasian is a…is a co-owner of a business that's Asian.

Riley: Whateva

_Huey walks over to the Dubois house. Huey knocks on door. From a side view you see a white woman with blonde hair stick her head out_

Woman: Can I help you?

Huey: Hello are you Mrs. Sarah Dubois?

Sarah: Yes, Yes I am.

Huey: I'm Huey. Is Thomas Dubois in?

Sarah: He's busy right know. Can I help you.

Huey: Probably not. This is a black thing

Sarah: I've been with the NAACP for 15 years. I may be white, but I've dealt with a few "black things" before.

Huey: Ok then. Your daughter Jazmine is suffering from a fatal African American disease.

Sarah: Oh No! what is it?

Huey: Afro-Denial.

Sarah:…I see…TOM! There's a black thing here at the door for you.

Tom: Coming honey.

Tom comes up to the door.

Tom: Hey Huey. What's the matter?

Sarah: He says that Jazmine is infected with Afro-denial.

Tom: What?

Huey: It's a psycho logical affliction wherein patients exhibit self-delusional behavior. Believing they have straight-flowing, European supermodel-type hair- thereby refusing to accept the coarness thickness and/or nappiness of their actual hair.

Tom: Honey could you leave us alone?

Sarah: Sure! (_Walks in the house and closes the door_)

Tom: Huey, You have to understand that Jazmine is very, very sensitive about her hair. When she's her mom's hair she wonder why her hair isn't like her. Neither I nor my wife know what to do with it. We've been trying everything to get her hair strait. Every hair relaxer ever made. Nothing has worked yet.

Huey: hmm…Oh, I got it. Why don't you try emphasizing the natural beauty of her African American figures. I mean is there something wrong with afros to you?

Tom: ..Or how about Lye? You know, burn her hair straight, like the old days. Thanks for the talk you really help Huey.

Huey: But i…

Tom: BY!(walks away and slams the door in Hueys face.)

Huey: Wow

_Huey and see's riley run up in shorts and he pops the fire hydrant, and starts splashing around in it. A huge crowd of white people circle around him_

Riley: Come on white folks. What is you scared. Come on!

Huey: Yo Riley

Riley: Yeah?

Huey: White people got pools ion they backyard.

Riley: Oh…um…go on about y'all business

Act 1 scene 9

_Huey walks home. Screen says one month later. It focuses o Woodcrest elementary school, Ohio. Goes into Huey's Class. The teacher walks in and puts his things down_

Teacher: Hello Class!

Class: Hello Mr. Petto

Mr. Petto: Ok today class we have a new student. Come in.

_A kid comes in with dreads wearing a shirt that says "Mos Def"._

Kid: Um…Hey y'all I'm Michael Caesar, but you can call me Caesar. Aiight then um... Peace homies.

Mr. Petto: Wait Caesar; tell the class where you're from.

Caesar: Ok I'm from…BROOKLYN!... Sorry us pee-o-pel from Brooklyn tend to do that a lot.

Mr. Petto: Ok then. Um take a seat.

_Skips to recess. Bell rings all the kids run out of the room except Huey and Caesar who walk out together in awkward silence._

Caesar: Hey you wit da fro.

Huey: Huh?

Caesar: Yo what's the deal with this place. Where's all the black pee-o-pel? Did the po-po come through and run everyone off?

Huey: There are no other black people out in Woodcrest.

Caesar: Quit playin. Really what is it, is "Rap city" back on B.E.T?

Huey: I'm dead serious.

Caesar: Dang man. That sucks

Huey: Freeman, Huey Freeman. I'd like ta say that I'm real glad that another brotha is in this place. Where you live?

Caesar: I live down on Notorious B.I.G avenue in Woodcrest.

Huey: Hey I do to! Well really it's Timid Deer Lane but my brother Riley spray painted Notorious B.I.G Avenue because he didn't like the name Timid Deer lane.

Caesar: well brotha after school wanna roll with me I got "The Matrix" at my crib.

Huey: I do like the matrix.

Caesar: I also got the revenge of the sith, but that was wack

Huey: My thoughts exactly. You know, you and I may get along.

Caesar: Yo Huey

Huey: Yeah

Caesar: Dose Woodcrest have a theft problem?

Huey: Woodcrest? Yeah right. These are the privileged upper-class bourgeois… the exploiters of the poor. They don't need to steal. They control the system.

Caesar: Ok! I was just wondering who was trying to steal my little sister's big wheel

Huey: Riley!

Caesar: What?

Huey: Riley is my little brother who is a stupid 8 year old kid who thinks he's gangster when he's really just a lame wanna be.

Caesar: I had one of them playa's up in my hood.

Riley: (_walks up_) did someone call my name.

Huey: Caesar this is my little brother Riley.

Caesar: Sup Riley

Riley: Sup man.

Riley: Yo Caesar I heard Yo mamma was Martin Lawrence's stunt double in big momma's house 1 ,2 and 3. And have you noticed they just made the fat suit get bigga and bigga. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha.

Caesar: And Yo mamma and your breath's smell like altoids in reverse.

Riley: Yeah well you're um. Cousin…no...Momma…punk.(walks off.)

Caesar: YEAH! BROOKLYN BABY! WHAT! WHAT!.

_Skips to the end of the day. Huey walks in to house._

Granddad: Where were you today boy? You didn't come home with Riley.

Huey: I was at a friend's house.

Granddad: You're friends with a white boy?

Huey: No he's black. He just, moved here. His name is Michael but everyone calls him Caesar.

Granddad: Why they call him that?

Huey: His last name is Caesar.

Riley: Y'all guess what happened

Huey: What are you griping about now?

Riley: Man these fools out here is crazy knawmean. You know how fool be bitin me. Be copying me and my mad styles. They be speaking R Escoenese and they use my balling techniques. These white folks I saw when i was walkin back from school was wearing the skully wit da unda-shirt ya knawmean. Or they just go up and smack fool so dis what happened. They smack this little white girl named Cindy. So I go up to them and smack em down and then. They get back up and then Cindy Beat em down. Then she be like "Y'all don't know me. I don't play dat". So then I was like "Whoa white girl I didn't know you was like that". She pushes me out the way and steals my custom made dog tags.

_There was knock on the door and it was Cindy._

Cindy: Hey Riley! I was thinking about the next time we take down some playa hata's knawmean. So first we go up to the C.I.A and we like "what Yo secrets". And they be like "we not tellin you" and then we like "just tell us or we pull out the weapons like its December thirty first" and then they like "whoa slow down" and "we like we gone roll up and hit you where it hurts". Then we be like boom boom ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta and then they like "aw no don't shoot me" then they be dead. And we are like "aw yes".

Riley: And I be like leave cau-cau. (Slams the door) See.

Huey: What's a cau-cau?

Riley: It's my new name for Caucasians. You lied to me they're not Chinese co -C.E.O's that are Asian. They white pee-o-pel.

Act 2 scene 1

_Doorbell rings. Granddad gets up to answer. A white man is at the door in a pinstripe grey suit_

Granddad: Can I help you

Man: Well, Hello there I'm Ed Wuncler Sr., the man who owns the bank who owns your house.

Granddad: Well, Hello There Mr. Wuncler, come right on in.

Wuncler: Why thank you…um... Didn't catch your name

Granddad: That's because I didn't throw it

Wuncler: Ha-Ha-Ha…So

Granddad: Yes?

Wuncler: Your name

Granddad: Oh Robert Freeman.

Wuncler: Well thank you Robert.

Granddad: Have a seat.

Wuncler: (_sits on sofa_) Ah this is a nice sofa you got here.

Granddad: Why Yes it is. (_Sits down in chair_) Now if you don't mind me asking…um, why are you here?

Wuncler: Oh I just wanted to see how the neighborhood's been treating ya. So, how's the neighborhood been treating ya?

Granddad: Oh, nice, nice place Mr. Wuncler. Would you like some cheese?

Wuncler: Why yes I would love some cheese.

Granddad: RILEY! GET OUR GOOD CHEESE!

Riley: OK GRANDDAD!

Wuncler: Who's Riley?

Granddad: He's my youngest grandson. He's eight.

Wuncler: So are they visiting?

Granddad: Well, if you count visiting living with me since they were 6 and 4 then yes. They are visiting.

Wuncler: Ha-Ha-Ha. You're funny Robert.

Granddad: RILEY! WHERE IS MY CHEESE?

Riley: I'M GETTING TO IT!

Granddad: WELL HURRY UP!

Wuncler: Sounds like a handful.

Granddad: Yeah it is.

Wuncler: I know you feel I mean, my grandson just got back from the Afghanistan. I love him but he's as dumb as heck.

Granddad: Hee-Hee-Hee. You're funny Mr. Wuncler

Wuncler: Please call me Ed

Granddad: Alright Ed

Riley: (_walks in carrying a platter of American cheese_) Ok I got some che-(_drops platter_). It's, It's…HUEY! (_Runs back upstairs_)

Riley: (_opens bedroom door_) Huey. Granddad let the enemy in.

Huey: Which one? We have multiple.

Riley: The…the…the

Huey: Spit it out man!

Riley: a, FED man!

Huey: A WHAT!

Riley: Yeah. He was wearing a grey pinstripe suit, a white button down shirt, black dress shoes, a red tie and he had white hair that only covered the bottom half of his head. Kinda like granddads but even lower. And he was white.

Huey: Get the BB gun with the scope.

_Riley pulls out a BB gun from under the bed._

Huey: I meant our NERF gun with the scope not a… YOU GOT A REAL BBGUN!

Riley: Yeah so? The second amendment states that I have a right to have guns.

Huey: Yeah. But you have to have a license.

Riley: Oh crap.

Huey: Meh, what the heck. With this we can actually hurt the man. Come on let's get to the steps.

_Huey and riley run to the steps and point the scopes red laser at Wuncler's head. Granddad see's the laser._

Granddad: Well let's go to the kitchen and get some more cheese.

Wuncler: Yeah, Let's do that. Wait I have a few questions for you.

Granddad: Ok.

Wuncler: Are you associated with any Muslims Arabs. People with a chance of being a terrorist?

Granddad: (_Looks at Huey pointing gun right at Wuncler's head_) um…Well

Riley: (_comes up with a new platter of cheese._) Sorry for dropping your cheese. We got American and we got Gouda.

Wuncler: Hi young man. What's your name?

Riley: Riley "Escoe" Freeman. All my homies call me Riley Escoe and/or Young Reezy and /or Riles.

Wuncler: Ok then.

Huey: (_gets ready to pull trigger. whispers_) Here I go.

Granddad: (_Gets in the way of the gun._) Well, it's been nice. We should get together again and um, eat more cheese.

Wuncler: you know I like the cut of your Jim Robert. What're you doing tomorrow? I'm throwing a garden party for my grandson. You can come if you'd like. Bring your grandsons to. I got a feeling they'll like mine.

Granddad: Okee-Dokee. Well see you tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by. Cheers. (Closes door) few…HUEY!

Act 2 scene 2

_Huey and riley are sitting on the couch, while Granddad is holding their gun._

Granddad: It doesn't look good for you boys.

Riley: Can I have my gun back.

Granddad pulls the trigger and accidentally shoots Riley.

Riley: AAHHH! My leg. Granddad you shot me. Son of a… oh crap that hurts.

Granddad: Garden Party? Yeah boy. I'm gone go buy some new sandals and underwear.

Riley: Granddad shot me. Granddad tried to assassinate me.

Granddad: (looking at Huey) Boy what did I tell ya. This is the new white man. He owns our house. If you even shot his big toe and all he had to do is put on a bandage, we would lose our house.

Huey: Granddad I do not sip tea with the enemy.

Riley: *groan* Why Granddad I thought you loved me.

Huey: You can force me to go but you cannot force me to be someone I'm not.

Granddad: Heck Yeah I can. You gonna go, and not embarrass me in front of my NEW, WHITE, NEIGHBOORS. And if you do I'm gonna beat your but till its redder then Cherokee Indians.

Riley: Yo, why can't we be ourselves? Why can't I go up in that garden party and say "Hey wasup y'all. I'm Riley Escoe" and why Huey can't say "Hi my name is Huey Freeman." Are you embarrassed by us?

Granddad: Very!

Huey: We never asked to move in with you and your precious little white people.

Granddad: You didn't ask. But you isn't the one who risked his life trying to get rights for us Negros so that we could live amongst these white people.

Huey: Yeah, but did anyone think about our generation? You guys was just angry the white people wouldn't let us in. Did you want to live with white people? Did you want to have kids with a white person? did you want to be friends with a white person? Did you ever think of that? All your boycotting is just rage because you don't get your way, you be like "Oh the white people won't share, the way they play their game is not fair" well guess what. I DON'T CARE. You old folks always saying I risked my butt trying to get white and black people to get along. Yeah but we didn't have to. We didn't have to have all the pain. Black people are tough, strong, we take charge. We could've made our own nation, The united states of Negroica, or Blackland. You know what I'm saying is true. That's what my revolution is about, telling people the truth. People are just lazy saying they do something, but they never do. When you get them angry they do something about it. Don't cover up the truth.

Granddad: GO TO YOUR ROOM HUEY AND YOU TOO RILEY BEFORE I BEAT YOUR BUTTS THERE.

Huey/Riley: WE HATE YOU GRANDDAD.

Riley: I would rather get shot as many times as gangstalicious has then live with you for another hour.

Huey: And I'd rather watch B.E.T and Centric for 1200 hours straight then live with you for another second… Excuse me but I have a year of Black TV to watch.

Granddad: BOYS GET YOUR SORRY BUTTS IN TO YOUR ROOM AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL I SAY SO!

Act 2 scene 3

_Screen fades to black and says next day. Riley and Huey walk down the stairs. They go outside and get in the car. Granddad locks the house door and then goes to the car and starts it. Once they pull out of driveway cuts to them pulling up to the gate at Wuncler's house. A very dark black man walks up to them._

Man: What are you Negros doing?

Granddad: we were invited to the garden party.

Man: (_speaks in walkie talkie_) Code Blue! Code Blue! We got a code blue at the front gate.

Security: (_runs up_) what's the problem this time Ruckus?

Uncle Ruckus: It's UNCLE Ruckus to you. The problem is we got a bunch of Negros trying to crash this lovely WHITE garden party.

Security: Those are the Freeman's, the guest that Mr. Wuncler was talking about. Go right on in fellas. Excuse Uncle Ruckus.

Uncle Ruckus: Y'all Negros better behave. Always be robbing people. Y'all Negros only accepted the invitation so you could steel all that good white people jewelry that only white people can afford, but no Negros can afford all of that. Negros is as poor as dirt. The white man has to work on y'all like projects. That's why Negros lives in the projects.

Huey: Talk about self-hating black men.

_Huey Riley and Granddad go into the party. Wuncler walks up to them._

Wuncler: Robert! You're here. Excuse me everyone. These are the new residents of Woodcrest, the Freemans.

_Everyone claps._

Granddad: Hello. I'm Robert and these are my Grandsons Huey and Riley

Huey: Hello

Riley: What's good?

_Everyone claps again. A boy comes up_

Wuncler: Robert, I'd like you to meet my grandson. Ed Wuncler the third

Robert: Well nice to meet you Ed.

Ed: Sup. (Fist bumps with Riley)

Robert: So you just got back from Afghanistan

Riley: Whoa, Really? Was there guns and crap?

Ed III: Of course there were guns and crap.

Riley: So what was it like?

Ed III: What's it like? What am I supposed to say to that? It was cool, them terrorist was Lookin stupid with they curtains, yaknawmean, the ones that be coverin' they dang faces... dangit, well, It was WAR. It was war, basically. War, you know what that's like? Friggers be like shooting (imitating a machine gun) Gah-geh-ga-ga-ge-gu-ga-gow! Bombs blowin' up. And ya know the shots scared me. It scared the crap outta me. Matter o' fact, I crap on myself over a dozen times. And I ran out of toilet paper after the second time. So you know what that meant, right? I had to use the thumb, man, it was kind of nasty. But ya know, the good thing about it was they stopped taking me out on patrol cause my name became "Stink Bomb," you know wha' I'm saying? They said I was giving away our position, because of the crap smell. That was fine with me, know wha' I'm saying? They wanted to leave me back? And I was like, "Well forget y'all. Y'all go ahead long, cause I don't need y'all anyway. I'm rich." (Notices everyone is staring blankly at him) The frigg y'all looking at?

Riley: (enters Ed's room. Stares at all the guns) Dang bra, is they f'real.

Ed III: Real? Let's put it this way if I put this gun to your head and pull the trigger will you die?

Riley: Um…Yes?

Ed III: Heck yeah you would.

Riley: Ooh is that a ak-47?

Ed III: Yeah it is. (_Puts on bullet proof vest_) Shoot me wit it.

Riley: you sure that vest will stop this ak-47

Ed III: Man I'm determinate in dis vest. (_Drains an entire bottle of beer in one swig then belches loudly._) Go ahead pull the trigger.

Riley: Are you sure that-

Ed: Pull the dang trigger NOW!

Riley: Ok. Say hello to my Lil friend (_shoots and flies back into the door_)

_Camera turns to Ed as he gets shot out the window_

Ed III: WAAAAAHHH! (_Ed Lands on the ground outside where the party is being held. All the rich people stand up to look at him and he sits up to look at them._) Frigg ya'll lookin' at?

_The rich people start clapping. Cuts to Huey talking to the rich people._

Huey: All I'm saying is that Ronald Reagan was the devil

Rich Man 1: you are such and articulate young man

Huey: Why won't you listen? Ronald Wilson Reagan, each of his names has six letters. Six, Six, Six. Don't that offend you?

Rich Man 2: I love this kid

All the rich people start clapping

Huey: What? What are you doing? Why are you clapping?

_Camera turns around and zooms in to Granddad walking toward the salad bar. Wuncler comes up._

Wuncler: Having a good time Robert?

Granddad: It's uh…um…it's…it's um

Wuncler: Come on, have a drink with me (hands Granddad a drink) you look nervous. Do I make you nervous Free-Man?

Granddad: What? No, no of course not. I was just keeping an eye out for the boys. This is a great party.

Wuncler: The only joy I have about these kinds of parties is so I can tell mean spirited jokes of other people's expense.

Granddad: I do that too

Wuncler: Check out that guy, (camera points to a man drinking a margarita) why is his face all twisted up like that? He looks like he just shot a gerbil.

Granddad: Ooh I see Huey. I'll be right back

Huey: (_Still talking to rich people_) Tell me this. Why was all the video recording of the pentagon attack ceased by the FBI and never seen again?

Rich Woman 1: He speaks so well

Rich Woman 2: He's adorable

Huey: Are you people even listening to what I'm saying? (_You see Granddad's hand pull Huey out of the camera's view_) WOOAAH!

Granddad: Boy of you ruin the party I'll sho-

Huey: Ruin the party? They love me. They're not worried about us. They're not worried about anything. They're rich, no matter what happens these people start applauding. I didn't know that all Rich people are like Paris Hilton.

_Rich people start clapping._

Uncle Ruckus: (grabs mic) Excuse me, may I have all you people's attention. My name is Uncle Ruckus no relation. I wanna share a song with y'all I just wrote called "Don't Trust Them New Negros over There". Sang along if you know the words. (Singing badly) Don't trust them new negros over there! Leavin' their negro essence in the air! Them happy, nappy-head negros, them friggers fingers on the triggers! Don't trust them new negros over there! Don't trust them big nostrils over yonder! They suck up so much air, it'll make you wonder! Don't trust them new negros, with they nappy big negro afro's! Don't trust them new negros over there!

_Rich people start clapping_

Huey: See


End file.
